Tuesday, December 9, 2014

The Never-Been-Married Middle Aged Woman’s Perspective of the Single Life

The never-been-married, middle aged woman’s perspective of the single life is one that can be summed up in three little words; she hates it!  She may put on a smile (a fake one, I might add) and she may throw a joke or two your way and odds are they are probably about being single, but that doesn’t mean that she is happy about it.  All the fake smiles she puts on her face turn upside down when she is lying across her bed crying herself to sleep at night because she is lonely.

The most appalling question you could ever ask this woman is, “Why are you still single?”  In her mind, she hears the words, “So, what’s wrong with you?”  Maybe she has many faults, but that doesn't mean that every person who is married doesn't have faults too. 

Married friends, she doesn't want to hear your mediocre complaints about your husband.  She doesn’t care if he wouldn’t watch The Notebook with you because he wanted to watch the Super Bowl instead, she doesn’t care if he forgot to put the toilet seat down, and she doesn’t care that he left his socks on the floor.  Whatever it is that you think is so bad about your significant other, well, just get over it!  She would much rather have these problems herself and her advice to you would probably be enjoy spending some time with him while watching the Super Bowl, put the toilet seat down and be thankful that at least he remembered to lift it, and pick up those dirty socks for him because it just shows that he needs you.  She thinks that you should focus less on the things that he does wrong and more on the things that he does right; like loving you.

Divorced friends, you may think the whole wedding ordeal and marriage is overrated, but you don't understand that you have had that experience and she hasn't.  So, don't stress to her that you think she is better off being single because you had a failed marriage and you don't think marriage lives up to all the hype.  You don't understand what it is like to never have experienced marriage.  You may also think she has gotten too old to do the whole wedding thing and if she ever does get married she should just hit up the county courthouse.  But her age doesn't change the fact that she still wants the feeling of having her dad walk her down the aisle and see her groom at the altar with a smile.  Every little girl’s dream is of getting married and the perfect wedding day and even if she is still unwed in her mid-thirties; she still wants to have that dream come true.

Older married couples, you may look at her and say that you understand but if you aren’t or have never been in her shoes then frankly, she doesn't think you are in a position to understand.  If you have been married for boo coo years, then you don’t understand what it’s like to not have someone there.  You have always had that special person to help with the kids or to help figure problems out.  You have always had that someone to go to when you just want to spend time with someone and you don't want to be alone.  You can be objective and see that things are hard, but until you have been in her situation then you will never truly understand.  You can try to encourage her; perhaps tell her that it’s all in God’s timing or you know the right man will eventually come along, but most of the time your encouraging words are falling on deaf ears because she hurts in ways that she knows you will never be able to truly understand.

She studies married couples.  Whether she realizes she does this or not, odds are she looks at a man’s wife and thinks to herself, Surely, I’m just as special or good of a woman as she is.  She also sees men who are married to woman who have serious issues with addiction or cheating and she wonders how those women are more deserving of a husband than she is.  They clearly do not appreciate a husband as much as she would.  Sometimes she just wonders if God thinks she doesn’t deserve to have a husband.  Even though she knows that she does deserve the love and attention of a man, she doesn’t know if God will ever bless her with it.

She attracts married men.  This doesn’t mean she wants to attract married men, but they seem to prey on her type.  She is lonely and craves attention and married men like to feed on those emotions.  Married men often worry about the feelings of their wife and children if they were to find out he was unfaithful; however, they tend to overlook that the other woman has feelings too.  Whether she knew he was married or not, he still toyed with her emotions and put her in that situation.  Married men there is only one solution to this issue; don’t cheat!  Single women there is only one solution to this issue for you too; run, as fast as you can, run!

For the never-been-married, middle-aged, single woman who also has children who have never known a father there is more added stress to her equation.  Disciplining her children is a must, but she feels as if she is the bad guy 24/7.  There isn’t someone to help with disciplining, so she doesn’t get a break.  It scares her that her children are going to remember her as being nothing but miserable, grumpy and mean.

So, if you know a never-been-married, single, middle-aged woman out there then please try to cut her some slack.  She leads a life that many do not and will not ever be able to understand.  She’s just hoping that one day she understands the meaning and purpose behind the struggle.

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