Tuesday, July 28, 2015

The Search Is Over!

This year has been an emotional roller coaster when it has come to me and dating.  I date for a purpose while others seem to date for sport.  I'm not saying every guy I have dated this year has dated me for sport because there has been at least one good guy in the bunch.  I'm not trying to down any guys I have dated either because if it just isn't there, it just isn't there.  The truth is, I don't look at a potential significant other and see their many flaws.  I don't care if his legs are too skinny or his feet are too small; I don't care if his nose is too big or his smile is a little crooked; I don't care if he doesn't have much hair or his ears hang too low because I don't look at him to find reasons why he doesn't deserve my time or attention, instead I look at him and see all the reasons why I don't deserve his time or attention.

With that being said, I'm not trying to talk myself up because anyone who knows me personally knows that I'm my own biggest and worst critic.  I do not think highly of myself and I do not blame those who do not see anything special about me.   I don't have the most beautiful smile or eyes that sparkle beyond compare; I don't have the body of a supermodel or hair that glistens in the sun; I don't have an outgoing personality or the most witty sense of humor, but what I do have is something worth more than all those things put together; I have a great big, giving and loving heart.  Sure, it's been tattered and torn, bruised and abused; it's been stabbed and even been used, but somehow it still beats and has the willpower to love.  

I don't talk to everyone about my dating life but after a dating experience that took me to my breaking point at the beginning of the year, I decided to give it one more try.  I had a great feeling about it for some reason and I didn't know why, but I guess I was wrong yet again.  So now, I have decided the search is over.  Yes, I said it, I'm done!  I'm no longer looking to find someone to date; I'm no longer looking to find the love of my life.  You see, perhaps God has been trying to tell me that the only relationship I need to be pursuing is a closer relationship with Him.  Lord knows when I meet someone I put way too much of myself into him.  I'm not saying that's a bad thing because God knows we all have the need for companionship.  I'm also not saying that I will never date again or that God won't ever send me the love of my life (who knows, maybe He already has), but what I am saying is that if a man wants to be mine then he is going to have to pursue me for once and convince me that he is worth it because I already know and see my every flaw and how I don't deserve love or happiness.  So, I want a man who sees beyond everything that is wrong with me and realizes there is something that just might be right about me too.

I wrote this poem earlier today and I'm thankful that I have Someone who looks beyond all my faults and pursues my love anyway.  To Him I will always be enough.

Like Only You Can Do

Lord, I want to fall
In love with only You
No one else has ever
Loved me like You do.
So Lord don't let me fall
For anyone else but You.
Lord, keep on loving me
Like only You can do.

I have ventured on my way
Without You on my mind.
I met men along the way
Thinking they were kind.
Some said they loved me so
It caused me to be blind.
Then they changed their plans
And left me so far behind.
I wish I could change things now
I wish I could just hit rewind.
But You always pick me up again
And ensure that I will be just fine.

Lord, I want to fall
In love with only You
No one else has ever
Loved me like You do.
So Lord don't let me fall
For anyone else but You.
Lord, keep on loving me
Like only You can do!

You are the one person
Who loves despite my flaws.
You see every moment that I
Give with my all in all
You don't reject this heart of mine
When another gives a call
You don't give up on me
When my back is against the wall
Instead Your loyal to the end
Over and over I can recall.

Lord, I want to fall
In love with only You
No one else has ever
Loved me like You do.
So Lord don't let me fall
For anyone else but You.
Lord, keep on loving me
Like only You can do!

Now my search is over
I have found my true Love.
My Prince Charming is a King
Who reigns in Heaven above
He loves me like no other
And believes I am enough
Though I am not worthy
He still gives me all His love

- LaDawn Cossey
  July 28, 2015

Friday, March 27, 2015

The Stepping Stone

The Stepping Stone
I came upon a stepping stone
I refused to open my eyes to see
As I stumbled to the ground
There was no one to blame but me
My face planted down in the dirt
My mouth open as I bit the dust
My pride brought down to size
My own will was but a bust
Now I am battered and bruised
I am broken and I am torn
As I crawl to that stepping stone
With shame and with scorn
The stone that tripped me up
Is now the altar from which I cry out
Believing to my feet I will stand
Of this I have absolutely no doubt
My God brought me there to stand
But I fell so hard and got myself stuck
As I cried out from my broken heart
My God reached down to help me up
Though the bruises may be fresh
The spirit may be severed like a bone
Though the heart may be broken
I will conquer this stepping stone
-LaDawn Cossey
March 27, 2015

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Stuck On The Thought Of You

I laid down in bed tonight and couldn't seem to fall asleep.  I wanted to somehow put some thoughts on paper, but I didn't really even know what I wanted to say or even how I want to say it.  I began to think of a story that most know nothing about and this poem seemed to fall into place.  It isn't some of my best work, but it explains in a way how life kinda feels right now.  Sometimes you don't want to dance until someone pulls you out on the dance floor, sometimes you have no interest in fishing until someone baits your fishing pole, and sometimes you don't even realize that you want to do just a little bit of something until you get stuck on thoughts of what you wish you could do.  I'm not really down about being single, but with Valentines Day just around the corner, it stands as a reminder that there isn't that special someone to dance with in my life.  

Stuck On The Thought Of You

"I'm gonna take you dancing"
You said the words so boldly
"But I don't dance" are the words
That you got back from me
"Then we will go fishing"
Are the words you replied
"I don't fish either"
And I blushed as you tried
Again to sway my response
"We will find something to do"
I thought it was a joke
I really had no single clue
Until someone told me
You really meant what you said
"He said to text him" I was told
I'm certain my face turned beet red
Then I began to want to dance
I wanted to catch a little fish
I wanted to do something
And it became my own little wish
I wanted my feet to move
I wanted my head to spin
I wanted to my body to sway
My heart pounding deep within
I wanted to bait the hook
I wanted to lure a fish in
I wanted the catch of the day
Then do it all over again
I wanted to do something
Or maybe a little of nothing at all
It didn't have to be anything big
It could have been something small
But you will never be able
To teach me to dance
To twirl me around
As others take a glance
You will never be able
To fish with me off the dock
My heart will stay in the tackle box
That you will forever keep locked
We will never be able
To do something small
Never be able to do
Anything together at all
I tell myself, "It's gonna be okay"
Every day that I awake
I have to keep hope alive
It is for my own sake
Perhaps I will learn to dance
One day on my own
Maybe go fishing
And not go all alone
Perhaps I will find someone
And have something we can do
But until that day comes
I'm stuck on the thought of you

- LaDawn Cossey
February 5, 2015

Saturday, January 24, 2015

A Single Teardrop

Happy Birthday to the best Mom 
a little girl or grown woman 
could ever ask for!

Below is a picture that I know she holds dear to her heart and as I have grown up, it has become dear to mine too.  I based my newest poem on the story behind this picture. It is one of the sweetest stories of my childhood.  Mom had taken me to get my picture made and I cried because I didn't want to get it made all by myself.  Despite the fact that she didn't want her picture taken, she did it anyway to stop me from crying.  I was such a Momma's girl back then and to be honest, I still am!  In the picture you may see my little grin, but if you look close enough you can also see a tear in my eye.    This picture is proof of the bond that we have always shared as mother and daughter.  She has always been my rock.  It's no wonder that I consider her my best friend.  From the moment I was born she has always been there for me. 

Thank you, Mom, for always doing everything 
you could to turn my tears into smiles!   
Happy Birthday!  I love you!

A Single Teardrop

A single teardrop
On my little round face
A big ole smile
No one could erase

Momma seen my tears
As I began to cry
She didn't understand
So, she questioned me, "Why?"

I didn't want my picture
All by myself; all alone
Momma didn't want hers either
But her heart was not of stone

She gave of herself again
On what seemed an ordinary day
She sat down beside me
So everything for me would be okay

She put a smile on my face
Even with a tear in my eye
No momma wants her baby sad
Or wants her baby girl to cry

So, she put on a smile
For the camera with her girl
Not realizing one day this picture
Would mean the world

To a momma with the memory
Of her baby who loved her dear
So much that when getting her picture
She even wanted her mom near

Now the tear in her baby's eye
In the picture of the two
Brings a tear to Momma's eye
When she brings it out to view

It demonstrates a close relationship
Between daughter and Mom
A bond continued from birth
A bond that remains so strong

Even with tears in their eyes
Smiles still shine through
For the special love they share
Will stay forever and ever true

-LaDawn Cossey
January 22, 2015

Friday, January 2, 2015

A Mother Out Of Me

Today is my firstborn, Destiny's 14th birthday.  I can remember as a little girl playing with my dolls and how I would dream of being a mother some day.  I remember as a teenager dreaming of having a baby girl and being her mother.  I always wanted a daughter and to be honest, I wanted a daughter when I was pregnant with Justice too, but we don't have to tell him about that. :)
In my late teens, I remember praying one night and asking God if I would ever get the opportunity to be a mom.  I asked Him to give me a dream to answer my question and that night He did.  I dreamt of a little girl with blonde, curly hair and bright blue eyes.  I knew if I ever had a baby that I would be having a girl.  I knew her name would be Destiny because she was the little girl in my dream who was destined to be mine.
I wrote this poem earlier this week for Destiny.  She made my biggest dream come true and I thank God for her every day.  She is the sweetest, wackiest girl I know.  She is so much like her momma that it isn't even funny. :)  My life wouldn't be complete without her in it.
Happy 14th Birthday, Destiny! 
Thank you for being the daughter of my dreams!
I love you more than you will ever know!

A Mother Out Of Me

As a little girl I would daydream
Of the woman I would grow to be
I wanted to fall deeply in love
And live a life full of happiness and glee

As a teenage girl I would daydream
Of adulthood and all it would bring
I wanted it all, career and family
All in all, I wanted for everything

As a young woman I would daydream
Of the life I was just starting to live
It was full of excitement of the unknown
I had so much to offer; so much to give

You see as a little girl daydreaming
With my baby doll I would play
I fell so deeply in love
With the daughter I would have someday

And as a teenager daydreaming
Of the adult I desperately wanted to be
You were everything I wanted
You were the best part of my family

Then as a young woman daydreaming
As I found out I was with child
The unknown became scary and exciting
And I knew life was worth the while

My entire life I spent dreaming of a daughter
Her blonde hair and her eyes of blue
Then one day, God saw the desire of my heart
And He made my every dream come true

It was on that special day I became
Who my whole life I always dreamed I would be
That cold, snowy day my dreams came true
When you being born, made a mother out of me
- LaDawn Cossey
December 30, 2014