Tuesday, September 24, 2013


Romans 3:23-26 KJV
23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;
24 Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus:
25 Whom God hath set forth to be a propitiation through faith in his blood, to declare his righteousness for the remission of sins that are past, through the forbearance of God;
26 To declare, I say, at this time his righteousness: that he might be just, and the justifier of him which believeth in Jesus.


When my brother and I were in grade school, we were playing outside one day.  My dad had two piles in the backyard.  One was a pile of sand and the other was a pile of dirt.  My brother stood on top of the pile of dirt while I stood on the pile of sand and I taunted him to throw dirt clods at me.  I was doing really good dodging, but Dad caught us and told us to stop.  Dad left on his tractor and went up the road to a neighbor’s house, so we seized the chance to start our little game back up.  I probably shouldn’t brag, but I was pretty awesome at dodging those dirt clods.  Well, that was until one with a rock in it hit me in the head on the inside of my left eyebrow.  I remember I had a handkerchief in my hand that I put up against my wound and it was filling up with blood as I was running around the house to go tell my mom.  While running, I can remember my dad was on his way up the road from the neighbor's house.  I distinctly, remember the look on his face when he seen all that blood.  He jumped off his tractor and took off running towards me to make sure I was okay.  While we both disobeyed Dad, I think my brother probably got more of a punishment than I did, but one thing that my brother didn’t  get was a scar.  It’s still there, although not quite as visible as it was when I was younger.  I look at it many times and I think back on that day when we didn’t listen to Dad because we were so dead set on doing what we wanted.  This morning was one of those days that I thought back on it.  I began thinking of all my scars, not just physical, but also emotional and spiritual scars.  I began thinking, Why would anyone want to love someone with so many ugly scars?  Then a song popped in my head, “Free To Be Me” by Francesca Battistelli.  A few of the lyrics are:

Sometimes I believe that I can do anything
Yet other times I think I’ve got nothing good to bring
But You look at my heart and You tell me
That I’ve got all You seek
And it’s easy to believe
Even though
I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I’m so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I’m free to be me

When I was in my early 20’s I thought I could do it all on my own, but like that song says, “On my own I’m so clumsy” and clumsy I was.  I thought I could dodge the dirt clods the world was throwing at me and I did pretty good at the start, but by the time the game was over, I was left standing with open wounds.  But that very moment I took off running for help, God saw I needed help and for every step I ran towards Him, He ran towards me too.  I didn’t listen and I deserved to get hurt even though it could have been prevented, but God was right there the whole time, he doctored the wounds, let them heal, and left me with the scars.  They may not be pretty and the world may look at me and see every little imperfection, but I see the healing power and grace of God.

As I sit here, I can look at myself and see that perfection does clearly seem to be an enemy of mine.  I pray daily that God would help me be more like Christ.  No one is perfect, we all fall short of the glory of God, but it is such a comfort knowing that God loves me for me.  The same goes for the scars I have in my life.  I might try to cover them up, so no one can see them because they make me feel unworthy or less beautiful, but God sees them and He loves me still.  These scars are just marks, just reminders of lessons learned.  Just like my brother and I learned that Dad was just looking out for us and didn’t want one of us to get hurt.  If we had only listened, but we didn’t and I have that scar as a reminder that next time I need to listen.  We have all been hurt in some way.  Maybe we didn’t listen to God, maybe we didn’t do things the way He wanted us to and we ended up with open wounds.  But He can heal those wounds and even though we may be left with a few unsightly scars, they are just a testimony of what God has done for us. 


I tried to hide the pain
Of the open wound inside
I covered it up with a smile
Instead of a million loud cries
But when it became too much
I fell down on my knees
I bore the open gash
So only God could see
He stitched up the abrasion
Bandaged it up with His love
Wiped the tears from my eyes
Sent comfort from Heaven above
He gave me time to heal
Then removed the bandaid
He revealed something of a sore sight
A scar that with time seems to fade
I asked, “Lord, why must everyone see
Such an imperfection within me?”
He replied with a smile and said,
“My child, it just has to be.
So, you won’t forget what I have done.
And so everyone can see.
That they can be healed too.
If they will just seek me.
I realize scars may not be pretty.
And they may not be easy on the eyes.
But scars are the reminders
That you have become more wise.”

-LaDawn Cossey
September 24, 2013

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Let Patience Have Her Perfect Work

I have struggled with patience in so many ways for a very long time.  I seek God daily for it whether it is dealing with my kids, daily activities, or at work.  I am definitely one who needs more patience.  I was at work the other day and a few customers walked in, they didn’t seem to be in a hurry about getting to the counter to order their sandwiches and I will be honest, I’m not the most patient Sandwich Artist.  Truth is I like to stay busy whether it’s waiting on customers or doing something behind the scenes like prepping food or washing dishes, so having to stand and wait is hard on me.  But I stood there; I was fiddling around with the lids on the containers of food in front of me and tapping my fingers on the cutting boards a little while waiting on the customers to come order.  My boss noticed my impatience and said, “Be patient, they will come.”  My response was, “I’m not a very patient person.”  And I’m paraphrasing here when I say this but she said that I must be a very patient person because I have been waiting for that special guy to come into my life for a really long time and I’m still waiting.  I couldn’t help but laugh because maybe I underestimate myself and my patience at times.  I guess I know where my hope and trust is when it comes to getting that special guy, so it makes it a little easier to be patient.  Although, I must admit, I’m getting a little impatient in that department too. :)  But I have no intentions of giving up on God to answer my prayers because he is my hope.
Psalms 71:5 KJV:
For thou art my hope, O Lord GOD: thou art my trust from my youth.

The conversation between myself and my boss got me to thinking about patience and what it really is.  When I think about patience, I think of not just prayers of a special guy, but of many prayers that I have prayed for days, weeks, months, years, and even decades that haven’t been answered yet.  But I still have faith and patience that God will answer them too.  Sure, like I said earlier, I get impatient at times, Satan lurks around the corner and says, “Girl, are you crazy?!?!” for thinking this or that is going to happen.  But if there is one thing I know Satan is good at, it’s telling a lie!

So, what is patience?  I decided to look it up in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary and this is what I found. Patience is “the capacity, habit, or fact of being patient”.  So, that led me to look up the word, Patient.  Patient means “able to remain calm and not become annoyed when waiting for a long time or when dealing with problems or difficult people”.  This definition made me think of how I sometimes feel that God probably gets tired of my whining when I start to doubt things in my life.  It makes me feel like one of my kids at Christmas.  They see Christmas presents under the tree and they seem to be so impatient waiting for Christmas morning so they can open them.  I constantly hear them asking what I got them or “Can I open just one present?”  I think I tend to do God like that sometimes when I say, “I’ve been waiting a long time” or “how much longer do I have to wait?”  I guess I can sometimes see the “gift” or rather answered prayer just sitting there ready to be opened, but God seems to say, “My child, it isn’t time yet.”  So, I wait, wanting so much to just sneak a peek.  Seriously, who wouldn’t want to sneak a peek of a gift from God?  But I have to trust that the gift is just what I asked for and even if it isn’t; that it is something that I need.  One thing I learned about Christmas presents when I was a kid was that they weren’t always something I wanted, but often something I needed instead.  Either way, be thankful for every gift!

I went searching through my bible to find scriptures about patience and I found two that really stood out to me.  The first is Romans 5:1-5 KJV:
1 Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:
2 By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
3 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope:
5 And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.

I don’t always see what everyone else sees when they read Scripture, but I always try to take what the Word says and apply it to my life, situation, or tribulation that I may be enduring.  When I read this Scripture, I see that the tribulations I am enduring are teaching me to be more patient and this patience brings more experience in my life which gives me hope.  I can’t tell you how many times God has worked patience in my life and this patience has brought experience as to where I’m more patient in waiting for God to answer my prayers.  Thus, my experience gives me the hope that my prayers will be answered in God’s time.

The second Scripture I found was James Chapter 1.  It is such a good chapter that I have to include it in its entirety.
1 James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, to the twelve tribes which are scattered abroad, greeting.
2 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;
3 Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.
4 But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.
5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
6 But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.
7 For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord.
8 A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.
9 Let the brother of low degree rejoice in that he is exalted:
10 But the rich, in that he is made low: because as the flower of the grass he shall pass away.
11 For the sun is no sooner risen with a burning heat, but it withereth the grass, and the flower thereof falleth, and the grace of the fashion of it perisheth: so also shall the rich man fade away in his ways.
12 Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.
13 Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man:
14 But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.
15 Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.
16 Do not err, my beloved brethren.
17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.
18 Of his own will begat he us with the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.
19 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:
20 For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.
21 Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls.
22 But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.
23 For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass:
24 For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was.
25 But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed.
26 If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man's religion is vain.
27 Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.

There are three verses in this Scripture that I really love.  The first is verse 3; “Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.  It’s like I said earlier, Satan lurks around that corner, he wants you to lose your faith, but if you stand strong, knowing that God is there and he is going to answer your prayers, then you are gaining patience through your faith in God.  The next scripture is verse 4; “But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.  To me this Scripture is screaming at me saying, “BE PATIENT, LaDawn!”  If I want things to be “perfect and entire, wanting nothing” then I have to be patient and let God have His way in whatever the situation may be.  If I want things to be right, then I have to let go and let God.  The last verse that I really love is verse 17, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.  Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, to me this just doesn’t include the prayers I pray, the things I ask for, but it includes all the things that I don’t ask for, all the things that I don’t think to ask God for on a daily basis. 

I’m not sure why patience has been on my mind so much lately and especially tonight, but maybe God is teaching me to be more patient because I know I need to be.  Perhaps what I learn from my patience and gain experience which maybe will give me the knowledge to help someone else later on when they may go through the same tribulation.  One thing I do know, I want patience to have her perfect work in my life.

“Good things come to those who believe, better things come to those who are patient, and the best things come to those who don’t give up.” -Unknown

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Letting God Be The Author Of My Love Story

Recent Conversation with my 6 year old son:

Justice: You're a single lady, Mom cause you don't have a boyfriend.
Me: Yes, you are right. I am a single lady, although I wish I wasn't.
Justice: I wish you weren't either.
Me: Really? Well then you should pray that God would give me a boyfriend.
Justice: I do, Mom. I asked Jesus last night.
Me: Well, thank you for asking Jesus. So, since you want me to have a boyfriend, does this mean that if I get married my husband won't have to sleep on the couch?
Justice: No, he still has to sleep on the couch.

In light of this recent conversation, I wanted to post a poem I wrote awhile back and posted on facebook.  This poem is really special to me because it reminds me of when I gave up on God and things went wrong.  I lost my way because I got tired of waiting on God to send me the right man and I ventured out on my own trying to fulfill my desires instead of waiting on Him.  I had many failed relationships because I pursued them thinking that I could make them work instead of looking to God.

I haven't dated anyone in a year or so.  The last two guys I dated have had a huge impact on me.  The last man stopped talking to me when he found out that my son was biracial.  While I would be lying if I said that didn't hurt a little, in another way, it was a huge blessing because if a man can't find love in his heart for my son, then I don't need his love either.  The man before him promised me the moon and the stars, not literally of course, but he did tell me everything I wanted to hear and more.  It's funny how it was all so easy to believe.  He was a man of God, but he didn't want to encourage my walk with God, which is something that I definitely want in a relationship.  He also refused to let me go to church with him.  With his unwillingness to encourage me or help me find a home church, I realized it was up to me to do it myself which let me to the church I attend now.  I believe that him hurting me led me to where I was supposed to be all along.  So, I'm actually happy things didn't work out with him either.  Maybe I'm crazy, but after we broke up, I was pretty devastated, yet I prayed and prayed for him that he would find the one he was supposed to be with if it wasn't me.  It wasn't long after that I found out that he married a woman he went to church with.  It made a little more sense to me then, it still hurt, but I'm happy for him and also happy that God answered my prayer and gave him to the woman he was supposed to be with instead of me. 

So, here I still am today.  Still waiting and praying for that special someone to come into my life and my son is praying for that too, which really blesses my heart.  I know that if God can answer my prayers for an ex-boyfriend to find his someone special that He can answer my prayers that I find someone special too.  Truth is, I walked away from God and went looking on my own 15+ years ago and it was an epic fail on my part.  Even though I haven't dated anyone in over a year, it doesn't make me want to go looking on my own again.  I have no desire to chase after any dream or desire if it isn't what God wants me to have.  This time I'm going to do it God's way and wait on Him, even if I have to wait another year or possibly many years.  I know He will make it worth the wait.  I truly believe God will lay it on the heart of the man He wishes to be in my life to love not only me, but also my son and daughter.  Justice has never had the opportunity to know a father and I think I would be more excited for him to have someone in his life than I would be for myself.  And while I can think of so many ways that all of this could happen, I don't want it to be any of those ways either.  I don't want to write my own love story; I want God to write it because there is no greater Author than He.

As Good As She Thought

She could sense him coming
From what seemed a mile away
She didn't want to see him
For the fear she would want him to stay
But there he was, right in front of her
Still looking as good as the first day they met
She could smell his cologne so strong
That now made her weak with much regret
For something had changed for her
As she watched him walk away
Like a weight that had been lifted
She was happy he didn't want to stay

As good as she thought she had it back then
It wasn't as good as it could have been
Though at that time she didn't want to part
She now thanks God that guy broke her heart

She gave him her everything and more
She thought it might make him stay
But you can't hold on to someone
Who wants nothing but to run away
He sees something new around each corner
And feels he deserves it all
When he left with that other girl
She tried her best to make him stall
And as he walked out on her that day
She felt as if she could just die
Now today she looks back at him
And questions herself, "Oh, why?"

'Cause as good as she thought she had it back then
It wasn't as good as it could have been
Though at that time she didn't want to part
She now thanks God that guy broke her heart

Now she may not be able to look into the future
She doesn't know everything that's in store
But she can count on it being better
Better than those guys, that's for sure
What she thought they could give her
Wasn't what her heart deserved
Now instead of settling for less
She's got her heart reserved
For that special man who will one day
Walk into her life to stay
The one who will remind her
That she has a reason to say

"As good as I thought I had it back then
It wasn't as good as it could have been
Lord, I'm happy those other guys did part
And You sent me a man who won't break my heart"
-LaDawn Cossey
February 8, 2013
Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD. Psalms 27:14 KJV
I wait for the LORD, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope. Psalms 130:5 KJV
Therefore I will look unto the LORD; I will wait for the God of my salvation: my God will hear me.  Micah 7:7 KJV
The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.  Lamentations 3:25 KJV


Thursday, September 12, 2013

God, Please Lead The Way!

I was going through some old notes that I had on facebook this morning hoping that maybe I could find a poem to put up and I came across this poem that I wrote exactly 3 years ago.  When I noticed the date that I wrote it, I knew it was exactly what God would have me post today.  It makes me think of where I was at that time in my life and where I am today.  I have come so far in my life since then and I praise God for that.  Although I still question and pray about where life is going for me sometimes, I find comfort in knowing that God is leading the way!

God, Please Lead The Way
I sit here looking at an empty page,
There is so much I want to write on it.
But how do I say what it is I really want to say,
Without feeling stupid or like an idiot?
Who would even care to know,
What is running through my mind.
I just need answers to questions,
I need something as simple as a sign.
I want everything to be right,
And no clue if it ever will be.
If only I could look into the future,
To see what only God has planned for me.
Would it make things clearer inside my head
Or spoil a wonderful surprise?
If only I was a patient person,
If only I were a little more wise.
God, give me the wisdom I desperately seek,
God, give me the patience I need every day.
God, point me in the right direction,
God,  please lead the way!
-LaDawn Cossey
September 12, 2010

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.  Proverbs 3:6

Sunday, September 1, 2013

God's Will

I have been working on a poem for a few months now and I'm not sure if I have it exactly how I want it, but it just seems fitting to post it tonight after having a long day of Justice testing me and my patience. 

Not everyone knows, but after I gave birth to Justice I continued to have some health problems and the doctor couldn't figure out what was going on, so her only solution was to do a couple procedures to try and figure things out.  When she done these procedures she realized that I had a miscarriage and the only time frame of which I could have miscarried was in the early stages of my pregnancy with Justice.  This made a little more sense because in the early stages of my pregnancy with him I had problems of which the doctor thought that I had miscarried, so I had multiple tests ran, was on bedrest, etc.  I can remember praying, "Lord, if it's your Will that I have this baby then let it be, but if not, then Lord have Your Will".  I wasn't praying for my baby to die, but yet that God knew what was best for me.  Odds are that at the beginning of my pregnancy, I miscarried Justice's twin brother or sister without even knowing it until Justice was about 7 or 8 months old.  I find myself wondering about what this child would have been like.  Would he or she be anything like Justice or would he or she have been more like their big sister, Destiny?  One thing I do know is that one day I will get to meet this little soul that I never knew and even though I don't fully understand why this child was never born, I do understand that God knew what I could handle and what I couldn't and thus, just like I prayed, He had His Will. 

Now back to Justice testing my patience, on days like today, I often think to myself that God knew exactly what he was doing because sometimes I feel I don't have the strength or the patience for Justice.  That may sound bad, but I know all parents have moments when their children test them too.  But I believe God looked down and knew that I wouldn't have had enough strength to handle two babies.  Especially, since at the time of my pregnancy, I would be bringing them up all by myself in a town where I had no family to help.  I was blessed to have a wonderful daughter to help her Mommy with her baby brother and after a few months of Justice's birth some wonderful teenagers adopted Justice as their little brother and became a huge part of his and my life.  God knew I needed help then and I'm very thankful He sent it.

God's Will
For years I prayed God would
Make my biggest dream come true
But as much as I tried doing it on my own
There was nothing I could do
Then I became so sick
Completely out of the blue
Mom said, "Girl, I know
Just what is wrong with you"
I was in disbelief of her words
This wasn't something I had planned
But as I gazed upon that test
I began to understand
My timing wasn't His timing
For He knew just the right time
I needed to realize it was to be
God's Will and not mine
I wanted so much to have my baby
On the first day of 2001
But as hard as I tried that baby
Was straight up stubborn
But on the 2nd day of January
My biggest dream would come true
The daughter I saw in my dreams
Was born 2 weeks before she was due
I felt as if I was being torn to shreds
As she made her grand entrance
But it was worth it all
One of life's best experiences
The moment she was placed in my arms
I knew I was destined to be her Mommy
She was God's Will for my life
She was my sweetest little, Destiny
I never really thought I would be able
To ever conceive a child again
But God saw I needed another
And a new chapter of my life began
I didn't believe the first test so I took another
Then another, well, maybe I took a few
Then off to the doctor I soon went
And she said, "an ultrasound is needed for you"
When they looked and looked inside my womb
But had nothing to say to me
I knew they thought something was wrong
With my unborn little baby
Then I was finally told they couldn't find
A baby within my womb
What a broken heart I had
It was filled with such gloom
But my heart knew Who to turn to
About these motherly emotions that were so surreal
Only He knew if I needed another child
So I prayed that God would have His Will
As a week passed on so slowly
With test upon tests done
Another ultrasound was given
And I seen the beginning little life of my son
Though the pregnancy was hard
My emotions were as if I was on a roller coaster ride
I continued to pray to the Lord
For I knew His Will He would not hide
Many said I should terminate the pregnancy
For they felt my baby shouldn't have been
For some reasons I wish not to say
But some were because of the color of his skin
But I became not angry at those people
Towards them, I had no ill will
Because Justice is the Lord's
It was then and today it is still
Thus on the 16th day of November
In the year of our Lord, 2006
A baby boy was born unto me
Proving God's Will need no man try to fix
A few months passed after his birth
And my body was still not up to par
I wasn't sure what the problem was
But the answer wasn't very far
Back to the doctor I went
Where she ordered many tests
Only to find she had no answers
For the problems that did persist
So she suggested a few procedures
Of which she did perform on me
And the outcome was surprising
As I learned of a miscarried baby
This baby was not conceived
After the birth of my son
But during my last pregnancy
There was more than just one
I had unknowingly miscarried
My baby boy's twin
And I often wonder to myself
What might have been
Sometimes it's hard to understand
As it seems to be oh so sad
But God knows how much strength
Inside me that I have
I may not know the answers
To the questions I ask within
But I know it was God's Will
That the little life did end
I trust and believe that one glad day
I will meet the baby He carried home
My heart will then be so merry
To meet the little soul that was unknown.
-LaDawn Cossey
September 1, 2013
"Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward."  Psalm 127:3 KJV