When I Awake

Just the other day a teenager was talking to me about the coming of Christ.  She mentioned that some people and preachers believe they know when He is coming back and that some say in 2014.  I tried to assure her to not put her faith in men, but put her faith in God and believe the words that Jesus said that no man knows the day or the hour in which Jesus will be returning.  She mentioned that it bothered her because that would mean that she wouldn’t even live to be 19 years old.  I told her not to focus so much on these earthly years, but to make sure she was ready for the coming of the Lord then she would be assured eternal life.

Mark 13:28-33 KJV
²⁸ Now learn a parable of the fig tree; When her branch is yet tender, and putteth forth leaves, ye know that summer is near:
²⁹ So ye in like manner, when ye shall see these things come to pass, know that it is nigh, even at the doors.
³⁰ Verily I say unto you, that this generation shall not pass, till all these things be done.
³¹ Heaven and earth shall pass away: but my words shall not pass away.
³² But of that day and that hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels which are in heaven, neither the Son, but the Father.
³³ Take ye heed, watch and pray: for ye know not when the time is.

But after this conversation with her, I thought back to when I was a teenager.  I can remember thinking to myself that I wanted to do many things before the Lord came back.  I wanted to get married and become a mother.  I can remember praying that God would let those things happen before Christ returned.  I’m now 35, I have 2 kids, so God answered my prayer to let me be a mother, but I have still never married.  Now that I’m older I still would love to get married, but if it isn’t in God’s Will before the return of Jesus, then it just isn’t meant to be.  I don’t find it sad that I may never marry, because as a Christian, I am already betrothed to Christ and am His Bride. 

Revelation 19:6-9 KJV
⁶ And I heard as it were the voice of a great multitude, and as the voice of many waters, and as the voice of mighty thunderings, saying, Alleluia: for the Lord God omnipotent reigneth.
⁷ Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready.
⁸ And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints.
⁹ And he saith unto me, Write, Blessed are they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb. And he saith unto me, These are the true sayings of God.

But I can remember being that teenager who thought that having an earthly relationship with a man was extremely important.  Okay, I find myself now thinking it is important, but the difference now is that back then I was willing to give up everything to have an earthly relationship, including giving up my relationship with God.  I did that very thing and it is one thing that I regret.  I realize God has forgiven me, but I often wonder if I would have waited on God to send me who He wanted me to be with, would my life have turned out differently?  But then again, I serve an all-knowing God, so perhaps when I was praying as a teenager, He already knew I would turn to my own doings to find love instead of waiting on Him, perhaps, that one special man that He had for me wouldn’t be ready for a relationship with me until I was older.  I have honestly been praying without ceasing for the past couple years that God would send me the man He wanted in my life, but this man hasn’t approached me yet.  I don’t understand why, but I’m not angry or heartbroken (not that there haven’t been times when I was a little down because God hasn’t sent me someone), but for some reason, I think that perhaps God wants to ensure that I’m not going to do what I did in the past and turn to my own doings again.  Maybe that’s why I have had to wait so long because He wants to know that I’m completely in love with Him.  After all my past earthly relationships, I think I have to be completely in love with God before I could be totally and completely in love with a man.  Maybe that isn’t the best explanation for it, but in not so many words, I want God to place a love in my heart for the man he wants me to be with and for Him to place a love in that man’s heart for me as well. 

Matthew 6:19-21 KJV
¹⁹ Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:
²⁰ But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:
²¹ For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

 Deuteronomy 6:5 KJV

And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.

I got a little off topic, but my point is, I don’t know everything about what God has planned for me in my earthly life, but I do know that nothing in the world is worth losing my own soul for, not even the love of a man. 

Mark 8:36 KJV

For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?

I wasn’t sure how I wanted to end this post.  I wrote all of the above last night, but I just didn’t feel I was done with it yet, so I saved it instead of posting it last night.  I continued to search through Scriptures, but couldn’t find any that I felt I needed to add to this post.  So I decided to go to bed and ended up praying myself to sleep.  I prayed for many loved ones, for that someone special to come in my life, and the last thing I can remember that I prayed for was something that I asked God to give me as a Christmas present from Him.  He has given me so many gifts, from the birth of Christ to my children, from my salvation to my daily needs, etc, but I don’t think I have ever asked him for a Christmas present.  I know I prayed for it and everything else only if it was in His Will, so if I don’t get that special Christmas present then it just wasn’t His Will.  I fell asleep and had a dream; I don’t remember a whole lot about it though.  It wasn’t really vivid but I remember being at church and was going to sing Psalm 17.  I woke up at 2 in the morning and all I could think of was that I needed to read that Scripture.  I was so tired that I fell back to sleep before reading it, but I woke up again at 5 a.m. and the Lord just wasn’t going to let me go back to sleep until I read it.  The Scripture almost brought me to tears as it kind of seemed to fall in to the category of many things I had mentioned in this post, so I’m going to finish this post with the words of a prayer of David.

Psalm 17 KJV

¹ Hear the right, O LORD, attend unto my cry, give ear unto my prayer, that goeth not out of feigned lips.
² Let my sentence come forth from thy presence; let thine eyes behold the things that are equal.
³ Thou hast proved mine heart; thou hast visited me in the night; thou hast tried me, and shalt find nothing; I am purposed that my mouth shall not transgress.
⁴ Concerning the works of men, by the word of thy lips I have kept me from the paths of the destroyer.
⁵ Hold up my goings in thy paths, that my footsteps slip not.
⁶ I have called upon thee, for thou wilt hear me, O God: incline thine ear unto me, and hear my speech.
⁷ Shew thy marvellous lovingkindness, O thou that savest by thy right hand them which put their trust in thee from those that rise up against them.
⁸ Keep me as the apple of the eye, hide me under the shadow of thy wings,
⁹ From the wicked that oppress me, from my deadly enemies, who compass me about.
¹⁰ They are inclosed in their own fat: with their mouth they speak proudly.
¹¹ They have now compassed us in our steps: they have set their eyes bowing down to the earth;
¹² Like as a lion that is greedy of his prey, and as it were a young lion lurking in secret places.
¹³ Arise, O LORD, disappoint him, cast him down: deliver my soul from the wicked, which is thy sword:
¹⁴ From men which are thy hand, O LORD, from men of the world, which have their portion in this life, and whose belly thou fillest with thy hid treasure: they are full of children, and leave the rest of their substance to their babes.
¹⁵ As for me, I will behold thy face in righteousness: I shall be satisfied, when I awake, with thy likeness.

Little Big Girl

In two weeks my oldest child is going to be a teenager.  I wonder where all the time has gone and how I got so old. :)  I'm going to share a poem that I wrote for her when she was about 15 months old.  It is about how she was growing up so fast.  Now that she is almost 13 years old, it seems like it went even faster than that first year or so of her life.  It doesn't matter how old she gets, she will always be my baby girl, always and forever!  I love you, Destiny!

 

Little Big Girl

 

Joy you bring to my heart

With every single glance

Laughter you bring to my eyes

As you shake and dance

 

You crawl up in the rocking chair

And smile so big at me

You think you're such a big girl

And you make sure I can see

 

You get on your tricycle

"Rmmmm, Rmmmm", off you go

You're getting bigger each day

This you seem to know

 

You always know just what you want

And that I'll grant all your wishes

Then I get my rewards

With big girl hugs and kisses

 

You look at me as if to say,

"Mom, I'm all grown up"

Now that you have traded

Your bottle for your cup

 

We go for walks, holding hands

You sometimes pull away

More and more independent

You become every day

 

You have gotten so much bigger

Since you first came in my world

My little bitty newborn baby

Is now my little big girl!

 

-LaDawn Cossey

April 24, 2002

 



The Dream

I was walking out of Church on a beautiful, bright Sunday.  A man walking beside me talking to me as my 7 year old son took off running to my car.  As the man and I walked side by side, he put his arm around my waist.  It felt good feeling a bit of companionship because I haven’t had that in quite a long time.  Then all of a sudden he pushed the right side of my hip as close as he could get it to the left side of his hip.  It was as if we were attached at the hip, so to speak.  I could tell he was excited about the new companionship and to be honest, so was I.  I looked into his eyes and thought to myself, What are all the people at Church going to think about us being so close to each other?  This all seems so sudden.  But no more had I had that thought when I had another, But if he cares so much about me that he doesn’t care what everyone else thinks, then why should I?  After all, we both know this is what God wants.  We got to my car and he looked into my eyes and said, “You won’t see me for a little while because I need to go make some money to take you out on a date, but I promise I will see you just as soon as I can.”  I then told him how I understood, but once I was inside my car I thought to myself, Why does this man love me?  He probably deserves so much more than I can give him.

The next day had come and as I arrived at my job I was surprised to see him in the parking lot of my employer.  He was in a food truck and was getting ready to serve food to anyone who was willing to buy it.  I got out of my car and approached him.  He told me how he was hoping to sell some food to the people who were working inside the building.  I really wanted to help him so I took out a pen and paper and I went inside.  I gathered as many orders for food as I could and then took them back to him.  We served food to many people and I knew he had made a little bit of money.  I asked him how much and he told me that it was somewhere around one hundred and fifty dollars.  I told him how I felt that was pretty good, but he responded by saying, “It isn’t enough.”  I couldn’t believe what he was saying because he had said at Church that he just needed to make enough to take me on a date and I knew that was more than enough to take me on a date because I really don’t need anything fancy or anything special.  So, I asked, “Why isn’t that enough?”  He said, “If we are going to be a family then I need to bring in more money than that to provide for us.  It just isn’t enough.”  I reassured him that God would provide for us, after all, we already knew this was God’s Will for our lives.  I told him of places that I thought he could make more money, but he said those places weren’t going to make enough money either.  So, we traveled from place to place in search of somewhere he could provide for the family.  I compiled a box full of files about information that I thought might help him in his search.  As we were sitting in the vehicle, him sitting behind the wheel and I sitting in the passenger’s seat, he began to look through the files.

Suddenly, my cell phone rang and I answered it.  The voice on the other side of the phone was my ex-boyfriend.  I could tell by his tone of voice that he was upset that I had found someone to be with.  He kept talking to me about anything and everything that he could think of just to keep me on the line even though he knew I didn’t have the slightest interest in what he had to say.  All of a sudden I look out the windshield of the vehicle we were sitting in and it was moving and headed straight for a tree.  I screamed, “Don’t hit the tree!”  He then slammed on the brakes.  I was trying to calm myself down, but was still on the phone with my ex whom didn’t have any concern about what had just happened.  So much that he said, “I need to make supper, but I’m not sure what I want.”  When I heard him say that the panic I had just endured turned into frustration and I raised my voice to him and said, “What is it that you want?!?!”  My ex-boyfriend replied, “Meatloaf, I guess.  Why are you getting so upset about what I have for supper?”  I laughed within myself, Meatloaf?  I calmed myself down and replied, “No, not what do you want for supper, but what do you want from me?  I have nothing left to give you and I’m with who I am supposed to be with and where I am supposed to be because that is what I want, because it is what God wants, so what is it that you want from me?” 

Ugh, dreams!  I woke up this morning from having the above paragraphs as a dream.  This dream stayed with me all day long, in my thoughts all morning long at church, in my head all afternoon, in my head tonight at church, and yup, as you can see, it’s still in my head.  I could psychoanalyze this dream, you could psychoanalyze this dream, everyone who reads this post could psychoanalyze this dream, but none of us would probably come up with the same analysis.  I’m a firm believer that sometimes dreams mean something.  Sometimes God tries to speak to us and I have said it before and will say it again, God has spoken to me through my dreams before.  Perhaps that is why when I have such a vivid dream that I seem to dwell on it, looking for some hidden message or an obvious message if it is there to find.  But is there a message within this particular dream?  Only God above knows the answer to that question because as much as I can sit here and dissect it bit by bit, I will probably never even reach the tip of what it really means.

When I have dreams like this, it reminds me of Joseph.  The dreams he had and how God showed him so many things within them.  God had a plan for him and when I think about it, God’s plan was basically planned around his dreams.  Not only did God show him things within his own dreams, but also showed him things within other’s dreams.  By doing so he was able to fulfill God’s plan to preserve the lives of so many people including the lives of his brothers who sold him into slavery.  So, when I think about the dreams that I sometimes have and how there is no clear picture of what it may or may not mean, I guess it always makes me curious as to whether God is trying to tell me something.  Perhaps it seems a little silly, but even Joseph’s brothers probably thought Joseph’s dreams were silly too, but in the end, God had a plan.

Genesis 45:4-8 KJV

“And Joseph said unto his brethren, Come near to me, I pray you.  And they came near.  And he said, I am Joseph your brother, whom ye sold into Egypt.  Now therefore be not grieved, nor angry with yourselves, that ye sold me hither: for God did send me before you to preserve life.  For these two years hath the famine been in the land: and yet there are five years, in the which there shall neither be earing nor harvest.  And God sent me before you to preserve you a posterity in the earth, and to save your lives by a great deliverance.  So now it was not you that sent me hither, but God: and he hath made me a father to Pharaoh, and lord of all his house, and a ruler throughout the land of Egypt.”