Sunday, October 6, 2013

Not Just Any Man

One of my Aunts gave me some words of encouragement at my family reunion yesterday.  She had read a post that I had put on facebook about finding that special someone.  She said she was going to comment, but wasn’t sure how to word it.  I’m paraphrasing her because I don’t remember her exact words, but she told me that I was made in God’s image, so I didn’t need to think that I wasn’t beautiful or wasn’t good enough because I look exactly how God wants me to look.  Then she went on to tell me that God will provide a special man for me and that I didn’t want just anyone, I want the one that God has for me.  She also said that she knew I didn’t want just anyone helping me raise Justice and that he had to be a very special guy for that job.  I say, “job” because we are talking about Justice here.  Just joking, but all jokes aside, my aunt was on the money when she said that I didn’t want just anyone, because I don’t.  I want only the best for him and for myself and I only want who God wants in our lives. 

After talking to my Aunt, for some reason Mary and Joseph came into my head.  Sometimes I feel as if I know a little about what it must have felt like for Mary.  It must have been hard for her, when people around her wanted to kill her young child, specifically Herod. 

And when they were departed, behold, the angel of the Lord appeareth to Joseph in a dream, saying, Arise, and take the young child and his mother, and flee into Egypt, and be thou there until I bring thee word: for Herod will seek the young child to destroy him.  When he arose, he took the young child and his mother by night, and departed into Egypt:  And was there until the death of Herod: that it might be fulfilled which was spoken of the Lord by the prophet, saying, Out of Egypt have I called my son.”  Matthew 2:13-15 KJV

It doesn’t say that Mary was made aware of the dream that Joseph had, but I’m certain she knew something was going on because why would Joseph get up and take her and the child and flee without reason.  Mary had to know that they were in danger for Joseph to do those things or Joseph may have enlightened her about the dream and what the Angel of the Lord said to him.  Either way, I think Mary had to know that someone wanted to harm her child.

I feel as if I can relate to that because there were many people around me when I found out I was pregnant with Justice whom didn’t want him to be born.    I had friends who weren’t happy about the fact that Justice would be half African American and they didn’t think that I should have the baby because he would be mixed.  I was told how this would be hard for not only a child growing up biracial, but that it would also be hard on me raising a biracial child and also hard for my daughter having to deal with having a biracial sibling.  These friends suggested that I abort my unborn child and one in which after I refused said that she was praying I would have a miscarriage.  But it wasn’t just a few of my friends who had something to say, there were people who judged my baby based on who his biological father is.  He wasn’t a good man and thus, that is why Justice has never known him.  But I had friends who thought his father was reason enough to get an abortion.  But that isn’t all.  When I found out I was pregnant I was going through a custody battle for my daughter.  It wasn’t a pretty one and was extremely hard on her and myself.  The fact that I was pregnant by a bad man, didn’t look good on me and thus, wasn’t favorable for me in court.  That’s why even lawyers told me, “If there was no baby….”  They didn’t want to come right out and say it, but they suggested it in a round about way that I should get an abortion.  I can remember saying these words to my mother, “How can I justify killing one child to save another?”  That is exactly what I would have been doing, killing my child.  God created that little life inside me, it didn’t matter who fathered that baby; that baby was just that, a baby and I would never be able to justify a reason to kill him by having an abortion.  So, yeah, it might not be the greatest comparison, but I think I know what Mary might have felt like knowing that people didn’t want her child to live.  It’s a feeling that is hard to explain and a feeling that no pregnant woman should ever have to feel.  Needless to say, I had a very emotional pregnancy.  I always felt that God’s justice would prevail because only He could decide if that little life would live or die.  It wasn’t up to me or anyone else in this world to determine.  In my heart I felt as if God’s justice prevailed on the day I gave birth to my son and that is the reason his name is what it is, Justice.  I’ve always said that God must have some really big plans for him, for so many people to be against him before he was even born.

But getting back to what I was thinking about when Mary and Joseph came to my mind.  When I think about Mary, I think about how God gave her not just any man, but “a just man”. (Matthew 1:19)  God wanted only the best man to help raise Mary’s child.  I really want the best man for myself because like I said earlier, I don’t want just anyone helping to raise my child either.  I know if God can provide a good and “just” man for Mary that He can do the same exact thing for me too. 

While I was sitting here writing this tonight, Justice came running out of his room to give me a picture that he had drawn.  He did this to kill some time because it was already past his bedtime, but I found it went along with what I was writing about tonight and how I wanted only the man God wanted to help raise him.  This is the picture and Justice said it was of himself, me, and the dad that he has been praying for.  How sweet and precious is that!

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