This year has been an emotional roller coaster when it has come to me and dating. I date for a purpose while others seem to date for sport. I'm not saying every guy I have dated this year has dated me for sport because there has been at least one good guy in the bunch. I'm not trying to down any guys I have dated either because if it just isn't there, it just isn't there. The truth is, I don't look at a potential significant other and see their many flaws. I don't care if his legs are too skinny or his feet are too small; I don't care if his nose is too big or his smile is a little crooked; I don't care if he doesn't have much hair or his ears hang too low because I don't look at him to find reasons why he doesn't deserve my time or attention, instead I look at him and see all the reasons why I don't deserve his time or attention.
With that being said, I'm not trying to talk myself up because anyone who knows me personally knows that I'm my own biggest and worst critic. I do not think highly of myself and I do not blame those who do not see anything special about me. I don't have the most beautiful smile or eyes that sparkle beyond compare; I don't have the body of a supermodel or hair that glistens in the sun; I don't have an outgoing personality or the most witty sense of humor, but what I do have is something worth more than all those things put together; I have a great big, giving and loving heart. Sure, it's been tattered and torn, bruised and abused; it's been stabbed and even been used, but somehow it still beats and has the willpower to love.
I don't talk to everyone about my dating life but after a dating experience that took me to my breaking point at the beginning of the year, I decided to give it one more try. I had a great feeling about it for some reason and I didn't know why, but I guess I was wrong yet again. So now, I have decided the search is over. Yes, I said it, I'm done! I'm no longer looking to find someone to date; I'm no longer looking to find the love of my life. You see, perhaps God has been trying to tell me that the only relationship I need to be pursuing is a closer relationship with Him. Lord knows when I meet someone I put way too much of myself into him. I'm not saying that's a bad thing because God knows we all have the need for companionship. I'm also not saying that I will never date again or that God won't ever send me the love of my life (who knows, maybe He already has), but what I am saying is that if a man wants to be mine then he is going to have to pursue me for once and convince me that he is worth it because I already know and see my every flaw and how I don't deserve love or happiness. So, I want a man who sees beyond everything that is wrong with me and realizes there is something that just might be right about me too.
I wrote this poem earlier today and I'm thankful that I have Someone who looks beyond all my faults and pursues my love anyway. To Him I will always be enough.
Like Only You Can Do
Lord, I want to fall
In love with only You
No one else has ever
Loved me like You do.
So Lord don't let me fall
For anyone else but You.
Lord, keep on loving me
Like only You can do.
I have ventured on my way
Without You on my mind.
I met men along the way
Thinking they were kind.
Some said they loved me so
It caused me to be blind.
Then they changed their plans
And left me so far behind.
I wish I could change things now
I wish I could just hit rewind.
But You always pick me up again
And ensure that I will be just fine.
Lord, I want to fall
In love with only You
No one else has ever
Loved me like You do.
So Lord don't let me fall
For anyone else but You.
Lord, keep on loving me
Like only You can do!
You are the one person
Who loves despite my flaws.
You see every moment that I
Give with my all in all
You don't reject this heart of mine
When another gives a call
You don't give up on me
When my back is against the wall
Instead Your loyal to the end
Over and over I can recall.
Lord, I want to fall
In love with only You
No one else has ever
Loved me like You do.
So Lord don't let me fall
For anyone else but You.
Lord, keep on loving me
Like only You can do!
Now my search is over
I have found my true Love.
My Prince Charming is a King
Who reigns in Heaven above
He loves me like no other
And believes I am enough
Though I am not worthy
He still gives me all His love
- LaDawn Cossey
July 28, 2015