The Search Is Over!

This year has been an emotional roller coaster when it has come to me and dating.  I date for a purpose while others seem to date for sport.  I'm not saying every guy I have dated this year has dated me for sport because there has been at least one good guy in the bunch.  I'm not trying to down any guys I have dated either because if it just isn't there, it just isn't there.  The truth is, I don't look at a potential significant other and see their many flaws.  I don't care if his legs are too skinny or his feet are too small; I don't care if his nose is too big or his smile is a little crooked; I don't care if he doesn't have much hair or his ears hang too low because I don't look at him to find reasons why he doesn't deserve my time or attention, instead I look at him and see all the reasons why I don't deserve his time or attention.

With that being said, I'm not trying to talk myself up because anyone who knows me personally knows that I'm my own biggest and worst critic.  I do not think highly of myself and I do not blame those who do not see anything special about me.   I don't have the most beautiful smile or eyes that sparkle beyond compare; I don't have the body of a supermodel or hair that glistens in the sun; I don't have an outgoing personality or the most witty sense of humor, but what I do have is something worth more than all those things put together; I have a great big, giving and loving heart.  Sure, it's been tattered and torn, bruised and abused; it's been stabbed and even been used, but somehow it still beats and has the willpower to love.  

I don't talk to everyone about my dating life but after a dating experience that took me to my breaking point at the beginning of the year, I decided to give it one more try.  I had a great feeling about it for some reason and I didn't know why, but I guess I was wrong yet again.  So now, I have decided the search is over.  Yes, I said it, I'm done!  I'm no longer looking to find someone to date; I'm no longer looking to find the love of my life.  You see, perhaps God has been trying to tell me that the only relationship I need to be pursuing is a closer relationship with Him.  Lord knows when I meet someone I put way too much of myself into him.  I'm not saying that's a bad thing because God knows we all have the need for companionship.  I'm also not saying that I will never date again or that God won't ever send me the love of my life (who knows, maybe He already has), but what I am saying is that if a man wants to be mine then he is going to have to pursue me for once and convince me that he is worth it because I already know and see my every flaw and how I don't deserve love or happiness.  So, I want a man who sees beyond everything that is wrong with me and realizes there is something that just might be right about me too.

I wrote this poem earlier today and I'm thankful that I have Someone who looks beyond all my faults and pursues my love anyway.  To Him I will always be enough.

Like Only You Can Do

Lord, I want to fall

In love with only You

No one else has ever

Loved me like You do.

So Lord don't let me fall

For anyone else but You.

Lord, keep on loving me

Like only You can do.

I have ventured on my way

Without You on my mind.

I met men along the way

Thinking they were kind.

Some said they loved me so

It caused me to be blind.

Then they changed their plans

And left me so far behind.

I wish I could change things now

I wish I could just hit rewind.

But You always pick me up again

And ensure that I will be just fine.

Lord, I want to fall

In love with only You

No one else has ever

Loved me like You do.

So Lord don't let me fall

For anyone else but You.

Lord, keep on loving me

Like only You can do!

You are the one person

Who loves despite my flaws.

You see every moment that I

Give with my all in all

You don't reject this heart of mine

When another gives a call

You don't give up on me

When my back is against the wall

Instead Your loyal to the end

Over and over I can recall.

Lord, I want to fall

In love with only You

No one else has ever

Loved me like You do.

So Lord don't let me fall

For anyone else but You.

Lord, keep on loving me

Like only You can do!

Now my search is over

I have found my true Love.

My Prince Charming is a King

Who reigns in Heaven above

He loves me like no other

And believes I am enough

Though I am not worthy

He still gives me all His love

- LaDawn Cossey

  July 28, 2015

The Stepping Stone

The Stepping Stone

 

I came upon a stepping stone

I refused to open my eyes to see

As I stumbled to the ground

There was no one to blame but me

My face planted down in the dirt

My mouth open as I bit the dust

My pride brought down to size

My own will was but a bust

Now I am battered and bruised

I am broken and I am torn

As I crawl to that stepping stone

With shame and with scorn

The stone that tripped me up

Is now the altar from which I cry out

Believing to my feet I will stand

Of this I have absolutely no doubt

My God brought me there to stand

But I fell so hard and got myself stuck

As I cried out from my broken heart

My God reached down to help me up

Though the bruises may be fresh

The spirit may be severed like a bone

Though the heart may be broken

I will conquer this stepping stone

 

-LaDawn Cossey

March 27, 2015

Stuck On The Thought Of You

I laid down in bed tonight and couldn't seem to fall asleep.  I wanted to somehow put some thoughts on paper, but I didn't really even know what I wanted to say or even how I want to say it.  I began to think of a story that most know nothing about and this poem seemed to fall into place.  It isn't some of my best work, but it explains in a way how life kinda feels right now.  Sometimes you don't want to dance until someone pulls you out on the dance floor, sometimes you have no interest in fishing until someone baits your fishing pole, and sometimes you don't even realize that you want to do just a little bit of something until you get stuck on thoughts of what you wish you could do.  I'm not really down about being single, but with Valentines Day just around the corner, it stands as a reminder that there isn't that special someone to dance with in my life.  

Stuck On The Thought Of You

"I'm gonna take you dancing"

You said the words so boldly

"But I don't dance" are the words

That you got back from me

"Then we will go fishing"

Are the words you replied

"I don't fish either"

And I blushed as you tried

Again to sway my response

"We will find something to do"

I thought it was a joke

I really had no single clue

Until someone told me

You really meant what you said

"He said to text him" I was told

I'm certain my face turned beet red

Then I began to want to dance

I wanted to catch a little fish

I wanted to do something

And it became my own little wish

I wanted my feet to move

I wanted my head to spin

I wanted to my body to sway

My heart pounding deep within

I wanted to bait the hook

I wanted to lure a fish in

I wanted the catch of the day

Then do it all over again

I wanted to do something

Or maybe a little of nothing at all

It didn't have to be anything big

It could have been something small

But you will never be able

To teach me to dance

To twirl me around

As others take a glance

You will never be able

To fish with me off the dock

My heart will stay in the tackle box

That you will forever keep locked

We will never be able

To do something small

Never be able to do

Anything together at all

I tell myself, "It's gonna be okay"

Every day that I awake

I have to keep hope alive

It is for my own sake

Perhaps I will learn to dance

One day on my own

Maybe go fishing

And not go all alone

Perhaps I will find someone

And have something we can do

But until that day comes

I'm stuck on the thought of you

- LaDawn Cossey

February 5, 2015

A Single Teardrop

Happy Birthday to the best Mom 

a little girl or grown woman 

could ever ask for!

Below is a picture that I know she holds dear to her heart and as I have grown up, it has become dear to mine too.  I based my newest poem on the story behind this picture. It is one of the sweetest stories of my childhood.  Mom had taken me to get my picture made and I cried because I didn't want to get it made all by myself.  Despite the fact that she didn't want her picture taken, she did it anyway to stop me from crying.  I was such a Momma's girl back then and to be honest, I still am!  In the picture you may see my little grin, but if you look close enough you can also see a tear in my eye.    This picture is proof of the bond that we have always shared as mother and daughter.  She has always been my rock.  It's no wonder that I consider her my best friend.  From the moment I was born she has always been there for me. 

Thank you, Mom, for always doing everything 

you could to turn my tears into smiles!   

Happy Birthday!  I love you!

A Single Teardrop

A single teardrop

On my little round face

A big ole smile

No one could erase

Momma seen my tears

As I began to cry

She didn't understand

So, she questioned me, "Why?"

I didn't want my picture

All by myself; all alone

Momma didn't want hers either

But her heart was not of stone

She gave of herself again

On what seemed an ordinary day

She sat down beside me

So everything for me would be okay

She put a smile on my face

Even with a tear in my eye

No momma wants her baby sad

Or wants her baby girl to cry

So, she put on a smile

For the camera with her girl

Not realizing one day this picture

Would mean the world

To a momma with the memory

Of her baby who loved her dear

So much that when getting her picture

She even wanted her mom near

Now the tear in her baby's eye

In the picture of the two

Brings a tear to Momma's eye

When she brings it out to view

It demonstrates a close relationship

Between daughter and Mom

A bond continued from birth

A bond that remains so strong

Even with tears in their eyes

Smiles still shine through

For the special love they share

Will stay forever and ever true

-LaDawn Cossey

January 22, 2015

A Mother Out Of Me

Today is my firstborn, Destiny's 14th birthday.  I can remember as a little girl playing with my dolls and how I would dream of being a mother some day.  I remember as a teenager dreaming of having a baby girl and being her mother.  I always wanted a daughter and to be honest, I wanted a daughter when I was pregnant with Justice too, but we don't have to tell him about that. :)

In my late teens, I remember praying one night and asking God if I would ever get the opportunity to be a mom.  I asked Him to give me a dream to answer my question and that night He did.  I dreamt of a little girl with blonde, curly hair and bright blue eyes.  I knew if I ever had a baby that I would be having a girl.  I knew her name would be Destiny because she was the little girl in my dream who was destined to be mine.

I wrote this poem earlier this week for Destiny.  She made my biggest dream come true and I thank God for her every day.  She is the sweetest, wackiest girl I know.  She is so much like her momma that it isn't even funny. :)  My life wouldn't be complete without her in it.

Happy 14th Birthday, Destiny! 

Thank you for being the daughter of my dreams!

I love you more than you will ever know!



A Mother Out Of Me

As a little girl I would daydream

Of the woman I would grow to be

I wanted to fall deeply in love

And live a life full of happiness and glee

As a teenage girl I would daydream

Of adulthood and all it would bring

I wanted it all, career and family

All in all, I wanted for everything

As a young woman I would daydream

Of the life I was just starting to live

It was full of excitement of the unknown

I had so much to offer; so much to give

You see as a little girl daydreaming

With my baby doll I would play

I fell so deeply in love

With the daughter I would have someday

And as a teenager daydreaming

Of the adult I desperately wanted to be

You were everything I wanted

You were the best part of my family

Then as a young woman daydreaming

As I found out I was with child

The unknown became scary and exciting

And I knew life was worth the while

My entire life I spent dreaming of a daughter

Her blonde hair and her eyes of blue

Then one day, God saw the desire of my heart

And He made my every dream come true

It was on that special day I became

Who my whole life I always dreamed I would be

That cold, snowy day my dreams came true

When you being born, made a mother out of me

- LaDawn Cossey

December 30, 2014

The Lord Up Above

She was with child 

And ready to pop

He wasn't the father 

Yet didn't question God

He trusted in His guidance

To lead them all the way

And to a little stable

She delivered in the hay

He loved that little boy

As if he were his very own

He raised him up to be

None other than a carpenter's son

He listened to the angels

Who told him where to go

For he couldn't trust himself

For everything he didn't know

He traveled mile after mile

To make sure his son was safe

The road map was given 

Through the road God paved

There was a special purpose

For this little boy's life

And he had to believe

It was worth all the strife

Because he wasn't just the son 

Of one Joseph and of one Mary

But the Son of God above

The debt of the world he would carry

And though they didn't understand

They knew they had their love

And the guidance and protection

Of The Lord up above

He was working three jobs

Trying to make ends meet

It sure isn't easy to do

When you have six kids to feed

But on every Sunday morning

They piled all those kids up

In their old Volkeswagen car

Off to church, The Lord to worship

He had two bills in his wallet

One hundred and one ten

It was all he had to pay bills,

And to feed all his children

When the offering plate

Was passed around that day

He threw in his offering

With his tithes he did pay

When he got home from church

He realized what he had done

The wrong bill he put in the offering

Now his hundred dollars was gone

But he did not question

The reasons behind the mistake

He told Momma, "Don't worry

The Lord would provide, just wait"

He knew they had each other 

And all of their love

A blessing was sure to come

From The Lord up above

She was 300 miles away

From all of her family

Working hard to provide

But nothing came easily

She stretched every dollar

From payday to payday

But there was never enough

And she never saw a way

There was no money

For diapers or for food

And she often wondered

What it was she should do

More times than she could count

She called up her mom and dad

Explaining all of her struggles 

And how she was oh so sad

Through words spoke through a phone

They lifted her spirits up a lot

Ensuring her that she wasn't all alone

She had them & she had God

Though she never understood 

Why things had to be that way

She knew it was a lesson learned

And would give her a reason to say,

"Though I can't understand why

Things always happen the way they do

I'm thankful for everything 

The good Lord has brought me through

I'm thankful for all the compassion

Given through my parent's love

And for the love, hope, peace, and forgiveness

Of my Lord and Saviour up above"

- LaDawn Cossey

December 22, 2014

Lord, I'm Here and I'm Waiting on You

I have found in my life that anything I try to do on my own seems to fail.  Honestly, I have no idea why I think my plans or ideas are better than the Lord's above, but often I get the mentality that I know how things should be.  I don't take the time to stop and ask God for directions because I think my GPS won't steer me wrong.  My GPS can easily lose signal and when it does, it repeats, "turn left" over and over again; sending me in circles.  So, don't let your GPS send you turning left when you can easily access God's GPS through prayer and He will always send you turning right.

"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path." Psalm 119:105 KJV

"Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me." John 14:6 KJV

Lord, I'm Here and I'm Waiting on You

I'm walking down this narrow path

Unsure of where it leads

The night grows dark oh so fast

Til black is all I can see

But I don't scare too easily

I have no reason to fear

I know You are on Your way

I know You are so near

So, I won't run and I won't hide

From the things I cannot see

I won't jump and I won't scream

From the things surrounding me

I will stand here strong & bold

I will remain faithful & true

For I know You will protect me

So, Lord, I'm here and I'm waiting on You

There You are in the nick of time

With a light so big and bright 

It's a miracle knowing You are here

Turning the darkness into light

You see what is in front of me

And prepare my every step

You take my hand and lead the way

So I can be exactly where I need to get

So, I won't run and I won't hide

Because You are here with me

I won't jump and I won't scream

Because You are all I can see

You give me strength to be so bold

Even when I haven't got a clue

My eyes are focused on You alone

And Lord, I'm here and I'm waiting on You

-LaDawn Cossey

December 14, 2014